Death of natural resources-world is ending faster.

Unfortunately, I am a resident of one of the cities in India which will have zero water level in 2020, i.e., another 6 months.

My memory goes back to my childhood days when my city was called the green city, full of big trees.  I could see greenery everywhere and would be very happy to see so many trees around me.  The trees used to be so huge that, not a single drop of rain water would fall on me when I walked miles together under those trees to catch a bus back home from school.  This, I am talking happened 34 years back.

When we shifted to our new house in the outskirts of the city, we could hear the singing of different types of birds.  There were lot of sparrows which had made a part of our home as theirs.  They had built a beautiful nest and come summer, we would be watching the mommy and daddy sparrows flying in and out of their nest feeding their hungry babies and some times we had even rescued those babies which had fallen from their nest searching for their parents.  There were the crows, sparrows, pigeons, parrots, wood pecker, barbet, mynas, nightingales and many different birds all around which would wake us up in the morning with their melodious voices.  Come evening, when it was time for them to settle down in their dwellings, again they would be busy making so much of noise, that it would be a pleasant thing to hear.  Like this, we spent our childhood, surrounded by greenery everywhere, clean air with very less vehicles plying on the roads, plenty of water-there was no scarcity, and nutritious food with no insecticide and pesticide in the fruits and vegetables.

As we grew up, things started changing.  All those huge trees which housed many of the different birds gave way to concrete buildings.  We enjoyed monsoon like anything during our childhood.  Come June, it would start raining automatically without any invitation.  So, we would carry raincoats and umbrellas while going out anywhere.  All the fruits and vegetables were available at throw-away price.

Now, the scenario has changed totally.  All the green trees have been replaced by colorful buildings.  Fresh air has been replaced by dusty and polluted air.  Pure drinking water has been decorated with industrial and residential waste.  All those cute little birds which would sing early in the morning to wake us up are no longer there.  Sparrows are missing.  Crows are dwindling in numbers.  Wood peckers, mynas  and parrots are again missing in action.  What is existing is the polluted city.  We are woken up by the shrill horns of vehicles in the morning.  There is heavy traffic at any part of the day or night.  As we, humans are not getting enough oxygen-rich air, we are getting contracted with different types of diseases along with weakness.  Our children are the most unfortunate fellows.  They are able to see the beautiful birds only on TV or the internet.  They don’t know the sound a sparrow or myna makes.

We have become so selfish that we want to grab as much land as possible.  Everyone wants to have as much concrete forest as possible.  Nobody is bothered about the helpless trees that are slaughtered in the name of development.  Everyone is running after money, artificial air purifiers are installed to purify the air and natural air purifiers are removed.  Everybody has money power, so they can buy anything.  We can see lot of companies advertising for air purifiers.  When we were children, we never purchased water in bottles.  Now water is being sold in bottles and packets.  Same way, air also will be sold in cylinders if we destroy the natural resources.  There is no proper planning to collect rain water and use it.  Probably, we are paying for our greed and misdeeds.  The unfortunate souls are our children as they have no access to anything good that we had, at least for a part of our life.  We are not as fortunate as our fathers and fore fathers as they enjoyed their lives the most, though technologically they were not as advanced as any of us, they enjoyed their lives in their own way.  Very few of them fell sick, whereas now very few of us are healthy.  Everyone has one or the other health issue and the doctor will be surprised and shocked if any of us is not sick.  That is the state of affairs.

If we destroy all the natural resources at the same pace, no wonder, human beings will suffer and die a miserable death as most of the animals and birds are becoming extinct and with the fast dwindling green cover, rain becomes absent and water becomes a thing of the past.  Like this, the chain reaction goes on and ultimately, we all will pay for what we have done.

As the proverb says “Better late than never”  at least now if we realize the blunders we have committed and stop committing the atrocities on nature, then we all can live a healthy life and give better future for our children, the next generation.  This is a collective effort and not an individual effort.  So, all of us should join hands and work towards restoring the glory that has been lost.

Simple steps for Happy Parenting.

In this tough world, we should try our best to inculcate good habits in our children to turn them into good citizens in the future with a positive outlook in life.

Follow the below practices daily to raise your kids into healthy, responsible and happy adults:

1.  Wake them up early.  As already discussed in one of my previous blogs, getting up before the sun raises has lot of health benefits.  Children will be active and alert too.  You can feel the difference yourself by getting up late one day and early one day.

2.  Make them drink one or two glasses water to start with, on an empty stomach.  (You can also follow this practice irrespective of your age).  The benefits of drinking water on an empty stomach are numerous.  I will discuss with you a few of them:

• This helps in cleansing the colon which in turn increases the efficiency of the intestines to absorb nutrients.
• It helps to flush out toxins from the system, as a result your body will stay fresh and healthy and reduces acidity.
• If your kid is overweight due to his/her lifestyle, he/she will lose weight.
• It keeps your kid’s skin healthy.

The above are a few benefits of drinking water.  There are many more, but the important ones I have mentioned for your reference.  Gradually increase the water intake on an empty stomach to half a liter (500 mL).  This will keep the kid’s kidneys also active.

3.  Make it a habit for the children to pray to God twice a day, once in the morning before leaving home and once in the evening or at bedtime.  This makes them have faith in the Creator.  I know many houses where children question about the existence of God.  Have patience to explain about God.  Read bedtime stories for them.  Include some moral stories in them, so that children will be able to distinguish between the good and the bad, the outcome of doing good things and the bad things.

4.    Draw a time table and assign subjects according to the time table.  But the first and the foremost thing that you should make the child do is solve mathematical problems.  As already discussed in my previous blog, solving a mathematical problem as the first thing in the morning makes the child develop analytical capacity and improves problem solving skills.  This sharpens the mind as lot of thinking is involved.  After that you can assign other subjects depending on the free time the child has before leaving for school.

5.  After coming back from school in the evening, allot some time for the child to play as this is very much important for the proper growth of the child.  Playing makes the child alert, strengthens the bones and makes it strong.  It helps in socializing, the kid will make more and more friends, but here again, teach your child to differentiate between the good friends and the bad friends and encourage your child to have only good friends.

6.  Cultivate the habit of eating your food at least 2 hours before going to bed.  It is a good habit for all in the family to eat your food at least 2 hours prior to going to bed as this will aid in better digestion, else the chances of gaining weight, developing insomnia, heart burn etc, are more.

7. Train them to respect elders and obey them, not to argue unnecessarily.  Set aside some time for watching TV programs which are educative ones instead of the useless ones.  Children should learn something good by watching such programs and not cultivate bad habits watching programs on TV.  The programs that they watch should improve their knowledge.

8.  Engage them in beneficial classes like yoga, music, drawing and painting, arts and crafts etc. which are creative and bring out the better personality in them as all these classes need concentration and patience.

9.  Encourage your children to read out story books instead of wasting time on computer games or unwanted TV shows, or mobile phones, all of which have their negative impact.  Be wise while allowing your children to watch TV programs and supervise their activities, so that you know the happenings.

10.  Be friendly with them.  Don’t be too strict or harsh with them.  After all they are your children, your blood and flesh.  Enjoy each and every minute that you spend with them, because once they grow up, they will go their ways.  Then as people belonging to older generation, you should not suffer from “Empty Nest Syndrome.”  Don’t have too many expectations from your children.

11.  Accept the fact that they are growing up and you are growing old gracefully and don’t expect too many returns from your children.  After all it is your duty as a responsible parent and you have raised your children in the right direction.

12.  As children grow up, they will spend less and less time with parents, because their world starts changing gradually and you will have more and more time for yourself.  Be good friends than strict parents.  Give them confidence and support them emotionally, strengthen the bond between yourself and your child.

13.  Make them gain confidence in you which will strengthen the bond between the parents and children.  Whenever time permits, take your children for outings, because once they grow up they will have their lives and all that will be left with you is those memories.  Your memories should be sweet ones and not bitter ones.

All the best and happy parenting.

Simple and easy practices to improve analytical capabilities in students.

These are the simple tips I practiced on many students to improve their analytical capabilities.

1.  Get up early in the morning.

Getting up early in the morning works wonders.  Practice this for a month’s time and see amazing results.  Get at least by 5 in the morning.  You will have access to a very pleasant atmosphere.  The air is fresh without any pollutants.  I know this is winter, so it is very cold, but still make it a practice to get up early in the morning.  Your body and mind will be fresh.  Finish your morning chores, brush your teeth using cold water, this will rejuvenate your nervous system and keep you alert and then take bath.  See the difference.  You will feel alert and fresh.  Then, the first thing as a student start working on mathematics.  Yes, mathematics.  Don’t touch other subjects.  The advantage here is a student has to think and work out on the problems to solve them and give correct solution.  The student’s mind is fresh and calm because he/she has got up just a few minutes before starting.  So, the thinking capability and analytical skills will improve with this exercise daily.  This is an excellent exercise for the brain.  Give this practice to the student’s brain and see the amazing results.  If you sit and start studying, after one point, you will surely doze off.  So, the best practice to train your brain is to practice mathematics.

2.  Recollect.

At the end of each session, try to recollect each step you used to solve each problem, how many you solved and how many you did not.  It is very difficult initially, but gradually this becomes easier.  For what problems did you take help and for what you did not take help.  Remember one thing, it is easier to take help to solve a problem, but the memory storage for the solution that you took help for, will be very short lived as you have not solved the problem yourself.  The solution came to you easily with no struggle involved.  If you solve the problem yourself after committing some mistakes, you will definitely remember the solution and the steps involved in solving this problem, this will remain embedded in the sub conscious.  Try to find easier ways to solve the problems, try connecting them to your day to day activities.

3.  Visualize.

All of us know the fact that our brain retains most of the incidents that we see.  So, adopt this simple technique of visualizing.  Keep some good reference while visualizing.  Visualize your answer also this way.  Visualize the steps.

4. Connecting.

Simple way to recollect and retain is connecting method.  Example, if you are required to remember the answer for a question then follow this simple technique of abbreviating them.  Link your problems to anything that you can remember easily that happens in your day to day activities.  This way you will learn in the easiest and funniest route.

5.  Abbreviating.

If you are supposed to remember too many things which are complicated to remember, then you pick the first letter of the word and then form a word yourself.  For example:  You are supposed to remember the states in south India and you don’t know.  Then the best way to remember is abbreviate them like K for Karnataka, T for Tamil Nadu, K for Kerala, A for Andhra Pradesh and T for Telangana.  Now abbreviate this like K2, T2 and A.  Your answer is easy to remember.  Simple.  Try this method and your answers will be easy for you.

Mental Health

Actually, I was busy counselling a college student who got stressed out so much for not clearing the aptitude tests and not getting placed that he developed high blood pressure and consulted a physician who started him on medicines to control his high blood pressure.  How old is this boy, he is 21 years.  Who is the culprit here?  the whole system.  Actually, this chap lost his father when he was about 5 years of age, then it was his mother who raised him single handedly facing lot of hurdles and he also told me that he used to get depressed frequently as a child and lonely always because his mother was a working lady and this child would come home after school to just sit inside the house with no friends to play, no siblings as he was a single child and nobody to talk to and he told me that he would cry for hours together sitting in a dark room till his mother arrived from her office.  His mother, on the other hand had no choice, but to work hard to take care of herself and raise her son which had become a necessity for her then.  Now, this boy has grown up, but his mother is a tough lady, all she has done for this boy is got him educated under an educational loan.

This educational loan, which she could have avoided easily as she is earning a very good salary has become a nightmare for this young fellow.  He is not getting recruited by any company on campus as the companies are conducting crazy tests for recruiting students and he is now getting all the more stressed thinking of his future if he is not recruited by any company on campus with a decent pay package as he has the responsibility of paying back the educational loan which is readily waiting for him like a dagger hanging on his head.  He became stressed up, could not clear even the simplest tests given and at one point, fortunately, he did not think of an extreme step, as it would have been more dangerous, his blood pressure shot up to a very high range and he never realized that he had developed this issue, but realized this only after visiting the physician on campus, who checked his blood pressure casually and found out that this boy has developed high blood pressure.  It was a real tough job to convince his mother to be not too harsh on her son.  After all it is her own flesh and blood.  Disciplining is something different and educating is something different.  As children grow up we need to educate them and not discipline them as they will not accept us if we are tough with them after they cross 12th grade.  So, it is better to be friends with them and analyze their problems and educate them about the right and the wrong things in life in a friendly way so that they realize and will be able to distinguish between the right and the wrong thing in life and will be wise enough to take right decision in the future.

His performance dropped drastically in the class tests too, these are all interconnected and his self esteem became very low because of failure on his part to clear any exam.  Ultimately, I told him to take a break from the college routine which he did not agree to, initially, but later on accepted, sent him to learn some simple yogic exercises including breathing exercises and he is feeling much better now.  It will take some more time for him to completely be out of this situation, but he is almost healed.  Nature has provided us such an amazing method to cure our problems naturally, we fail to realize the worth of all these things and I have seen many of us have the tendency to show off to people how many tablets per day are we consuming because of the illness we have.  Many of us are proud of the fact that we are sick and are on medications.  It would be better if we make use of the gift given to us by nature which is in abundance instead of poisoning our system with medicines.

Stress, depression, anxiety in students-Parents please be wise.

Children now a days are stressed out so much that come their examination results, I read so many reports of suicides!  But why?  The reason for the child to die in that most horrible way is failure in the examination or not able to score the expected marks in the annual examination which the child feels is the only achievement in life.  If the child fails to achieve the goals set forth by parents, then he/she feels it as useless to continue living and die.

I know a very typical case of a 12th standard girl student, she scored very good marks in 12th standard examination and desperately wanted to become a doctor.  Unfortunately, she could not score the rank required to get a government seat in any medical college in the state and her father could not afford a management seat by paying very high fees.  She felt so dejected that she ended her life by jumping in front of an express train.  Just imagine the situation her parents would be when their daughter ended her life like this, for what?  for failure to secure a government seat in a medical college.  Actually, the girl had gone to the Common Entrance Test Counselling Center with her father on the day her counselling was scheduled and on realizing that she was not getting a medical seat in any college under government quota, she left the center without even informing her father, who searched for her everywhere and lodged a complaint with the police.  Ultimately, by evening, he got that shocking news.  Can any parent imagine to lose the child in this horrible manner.  I feel some times fault lies with parents also.  There is a crazy race among parents to get their children in an engineering or medical college.  They have failed to realize that time has changed, it is not what it was about 20 years ago, when the only field of education used to be either B.A, or BSc, or BCom, apart from B.E, or MBBS or BDS.  Now children have so many choices, they can get into Business studies, Computer Application/ Computer Science, Hotel Management, Physiotherapy, accountancy, fashion designing, interior decoration, so on and so forth.  They have umpteen choices in front of them, I have only named a few.  After completing their respective courses, they get decently placed and earn a decent living.  At the end of the day, this is what most of the parents are expecting from their children, is it not?  Then why force the child to study only one particular field when the child has so many options open which can be completed in a relatively lesser time and with less efforts.

We have to understand the amount of pressure we are loading on our children when they come to 10th standard.  I have witnessed many cases wherein a child in 10th or 11th or 12th standard having no life at all.  Their routine starts very early in the morning and goes on up to late night.  They are not given time to even sleep peacefully.  They are made to run from school/college to tuition center and home and this routine continues.  It is good that we want our child to score good marks, but don’t imbibe in the child’s mind that he/she should score a particular percentage of marks only and that he or she should get into a particular course only, otherwise, the child’s life is worthless.  If this impression is embedded in the mind of the child, then even the slightest deviation from the target yields only disastrous results.  Please remember, it is not for this you have raised your child all these years.  The marks that your child scores is not worth its life at all.  If he/she has not scored good marks, don’t taunt the child, don’t worry you have so many options in front of you.  Give confidence to the child, in case the child fails in the exam also, don’t taunt the child, because he/she already will be depressed because of the failure and on top of that as parents instead of counselling our children and giving the confidence to them, if we also taunt them or condemn them, where will they go.  Once we lose them, that is the end, they will not come back to us.  Marks are not everything in one’s life, I know so many average and above average performers academically have excelled extremely well in their real lives and those who always excelled academically have fared poorly in their profession.  So, please remember, never taunt the child for its failure to score good marks or succeed in the exam.  If the child failed today, it can clear in the next attempt, give it all the support and hope to clear the exam.  Instill that confidence in your child so that he/she will clear without any hassles and in case of a failure, he/she can clear it and nobody is going to lose anything, make them realize that it is not the end of life.  So many options are there now for these children to succeed in life.  Those options involve less efforts too.  With these kind of encouraging words, your child will feel confident and definitely do well in life also.

As parents, it is our duty to take good care of our children.  After all it is for them we are all living and if something goes wrong in their lives, imagine the trauma we, as parents have to undergo.  So, be wise, don’t scold them or condemn them in case some thing goes wrong.  After all, nobody is perfect.  We as parents and with so much of experience in life also commit blunders, such being the case, how can we expect our children to be perfect and remember, nobody is perfect in this world.  It is only God, the Creator who is perfect, had we been perfect, then we too should have been Gods and Goddesses.

The year is coming to an end in another two months’ time and come January teachers also will be stressed up to complete the portions for the examinations and drill the students to give their best in the annual examinations.  So, children, especially those writing the 10th and 12th standard board examinations will be under tremendous pressure.  Stress level will be even more for those studying in 12th standard Science stream as they will be expected to write multiple entrance examinations.  Many children because of the mounting stress, tend to forget and go blank when question papers are given to them in the examination hall.  The culprit is the examination system in our country, which needs to be modified completely to ease the stress children undergo, especially the 12th standard ones.  Talk to your children, allocate some time for them to release their stress, by playing some nice music or taking them for a walk in a park or go out of the house, just like that, reduce their stress levels, by giving them frequent breaks in between their studies and allow them to have adequate sleep as it relaxes the mind and reduces the stress levels in your kids too.  Give them nutritious food, discourage them from eating junk food.  Have a healthy discussion with them and be their good friends.  If you have a pet at home, then that is a great stress buster.  Pets give unconditional love to their owners, and children relate with their pets very easily and scientific experiments have shown that when you pat your pet, you get a kind of positive energy, which is beneficial to you.

Finally, all I have to say is as parents don’t stress yourselves and pass on the same to your kid also.  Life is uncertain, make it as memorable as possible and enjoy every moment of life.  Be friends with your kids, so that they feel free to come and discuss their problems with you and express their feelings with you.  Be their best friends and first point of contact.  Make them take you into confidence.  Gone are the days when the theory of being afraid of parents was the order of the day.  Today, in this fast paced world make the child feel comfortable in your presence and make the child open up everything with you, else tomorrow will be a day of surprises and shocks for you which you might not be able to absorb and digest.  After all your children are part of your flesh and blood, why do you want to treat them as a separate entity, make them feel they are a part of your system.  Instill that confidence in them that you are there for any kind of eventuality and that they can depend on you for help and support either moral, financial or physical, whatever be the case.  Win their confidence.  Assure them your support and in case you find them going in the wrong direction, guide them properly so that they are in the right path and do not go astray.

All the best to you all and Happy upbringing.

How to deal with life (depression)-Simple techniques

Of late, I am coming across lot of cases of stress and depression.  The outcome is they either take harsher steps like ending their lives or get addicted to unwanted habits with the excuse of getting over depression.  But both these so called solutions are only doing harm than good to the individual.  I know the reasons for one to become depressed can be many.  Getting over depression is a task too, it is easier said than done, but for a better living, we should overcome depression.

Reasons for depression could be loss of a loved one, break in relationship, failure to succeed in life/ poor academic performance, stress at workplace, harassment so on and so forth.  BUT, the Golden rule is discuss your problems with your trustworthy companions, they could be your family or friends, please discuss, when you discuss, you will get ideas and solutions.  If you don’t discuss your problems then you will not be able to find solutions.  There are psychiatrists also who are professionals, but the caution here is seeking help from a good psychiatrist as a good psychiatrist is the one who would counsel his/her patients and steer their lives towards the better and a bad psychiatrist is the one who prescribes medicines.  I have seen many cases wherein for simple problems, psychiatrists were consulted and instead of getting proper counseling and lifestyle modifications, the patients were prescribed anti-psychotic drugs and these people have developed addiction to those drugs and when these drugs were stopped after some time, those people became depressed more and more and the dosage was increased each time the patient went to the psychiatrist.  A good psychiatrist would suggest lifestyle modifications, but majority of them don’t fall in that bracket, all they do is prescribe anti-psychotic drugs.

I will discuss three cases which had simple solutions, but got complicated:

Case No.1:  A housewife, she lives with her in-laws.  Though she is married for a long time, she is childless, for that also, she is responsible.  When she conceived within an year of her marriage, she was pressurized by her mother to abort the fetus as her elder sister had not conceived and if she delivered a baby before her elder sister did, then relatives will mock at her sister.  Her mother-in-law told her to be free for some more time without any responsibilities instead of getting into the loop of childbirth and raising children etc.  This lady agreed to their suggestions and got the first pregnancy terminated when the fetus was less than 3 months old and that was the end.  She tried all methods and means, spent lakhs of rupees to conceive, but did not.  She became depressed.  As far as I know, there are many methods to safeguard one from conceiving, but if this continues for too long, then conceiving becomes a problem and more than men, it is the women who become depressed.  Today, this lady is treated like an untouchable by her own so called relatives and the well-wisher mother-in-law.  But, fortunately, she has an understanding husband who supports her always.  Since this lady is a home maker and has servants taking care of things at home, she has lot of free time and when she is free, her mind is idle which is a devil’s workshop.  Her husband suggested her to keep herself occupied with hobbies and other activities, which she refused to and as the last resort, she consulted a a bad Psychiatrist, who has put her on anti-psychotic drugs and today she is dependent on them.  If she stops taking them, her symptoms trouble her.

Solution:  The solution to her problem was in the form of her husband, who was very supportive.  At the time of terminating the pregnancy also, he opposed vehemently stating that she should deliver the baby and afterwards they could plan for the second child.  Had she followed his advise, she would surely not be in this position that she is in today.

Secondly, he suggested her to keep herself occupied with her hobbies as there is no need for her to go out and work because they are super rich and he does not depend on her income to run the show.  That also, she did not follow.  She had made her life so lazy that she would have her breakfast go to her room and lie on the bed and watch TV programs till lunch time.  At lunch time again, eat lunch and lie on the bed and watch TV programs till she fell asleep, evening time was the tea time, go out of her room, drink tea and have some snacks and then again sit in her room and watch TV programs, then dinner time, her husband would come, both of them would eat dinner and then again lie on the bed to watch TV.  Like this with only eating always and with no exercise to her body and mind, she became obese and started struggling to walk a few steps, she became so dependent on taxis at one point in time, that she would book a taxi to go to a shop which would take hardly 5 minutes by walk and keep the taxi in waiting and then return home.

Then she consulted one money making doctor who suggested bariatric surgery and ended up getting her stomach stitched and this great man removed her gallbladder too stating that it contained stones.  Here, she spent lot of money, though she lost some weight this way, she developed secondary complications like ulcers of the intestine and hiatal hernia.  She became more and more depressed and here again her husband suggested her to change her lifestyle, but she was very stubborn to continue her life style the same way, then she was suggested to consult a psychiatrist, who has put her on those strong drugs including sleeping pills.

Here, had she listened to her husband and changed her lifestyle by keeping herself active and indulging in activities that would divert her mind and keep her occupied the whole day, today she would not be like this.

You can make out the blunders that she committed and as I told you, you are outside this problem, so easily you can give solutions to such a problem, is it not easy?

Case No.2:  Elderly lady, all through her life, she ruled everybody.  There was nothing called love and affection in her dictionary.  She has 3 children, an eldest daughter and 2 sons.  When her children were young, they obeyed her orders as children of those days did.  Even daughter’s-in-law were forced to obey her orders, and she was the ruler.  When the old lady’s husband was alive, both of them ruled everybody in the house, the youngest daughter-in-law was the one who was at the receiving end always, as the elder one was given some consideration as this couple had the feeling that the elder son would take good care of them and send them to heaven after their death.  As day passed, every one started growing old and grand children also grew up and one fine day, the old man died and the elder son left the house to live separately in his newly constructed house.  (He lived separately here also in the first floor of this building which was built like a flat by his younger brother).  With the death of the old man in the family, this old lady lost her powers.  That old man was no way less, he also troubled everyone in the family and grand children never developed any respect for him because he was never affectionate towards them, he would always shout, curse his grandchildren, crib, which made his grand children distance themselves from him.  This old lady is a cunning lady even today, when she was young, she never allowed both her sons to prosper in their lives, especially the younger one she treated like an earning machine.  Both the old man and his wife would play all tricks to discourage their younger son into venturing out so that he would hang on to them, but earn money and give all the money to them.  The elder son and the daughter were smart and they enjoyed all the benefits by playing emotional cards on this youngest fellow.  This old lady tried to play the same card now, thinking that she would succeed this time again, but failed miserably.  Her drama was taken as a mental problem.   She wanted full sympathy and complete devotion from her youngest son who lived with her in the same building and this selfish lady never allowed him to take care of his family.  But this time, she failed and her actions were taken as mental problem and she was taken to a psychiatrist who has put her now on anti-psychotic medicines.  Instead of doing something, she ended up doing something else and today, she has no choice but to take medicines.

Solution:  Had she been an understanding parent or in-law to her children and an affectionate grandmother to her grandchildren, she would not have ended like this today.  Instead of being authoritative, she should have been a supportive and encouraging mother and in-law to the next generation and showered her love and affection to her grand children, who too would have spent their time with her.  But she lost all these things because of her arrogance and nobody prefers to even talk to her.  They all avoid her.  Who is responsible for this situation?   Answer is there right in front of you.

Case No.3:  There is a couple, they have two daughters, husband is an arrogant, authoritative, money minded fellow.  Wife is not arrogant, authoritative, but she is also money minded.  Husband would be always busy doing nothing great, he worked in a college with a team of cunning fellows who would flatter him in his presence, but were digging a grave behind him.  Theirs was a love marriage and this man had married that lady because of the extensive coffee estate her father had owned.  This man was under the impression that his in-laws would transfer the coffee estate to him and he would become rich overnight, but unfortunately, his dreams crashed when his mother-in-law sold the estate to an outsider and made good money for herself after the demise of her husband.  This angered this man and he started ill treating his wife.  Her life became a hell, this lady had a well paying secured job in a bank.  On suggestions by some of her close aides, she left her secured job insisting that her abusive husband only take care of the family.  Here, she lost the wisdom to take a right decision despite knowing the fact very well that she was in an abusive marriage and was a mother of two daughters and there was no security for her.  What would be the impact on them, she forgot to even realize.  The elder daughter did not concentrate much on her studies, she fell in love with some fellow online when she was 13 years old and her studies took a down slope.  This lady who was at home, did not bother to check on her elder daughter and one fine day, that girl eloped with the fellow whom she loved online.  This lady knew her daughter’s love affair and she also knew her family’s condition.  The man of the family had a strained relationship with his elder daughter as her studies had taken back seat and to add fuel to fire when she eloped with her love, his anger knew no bounds.  All his team members spread this news like a wild fire and this became a matter of prestige to this fellow.   His blood was boiling in revenge and one day he came home and assaulted his wife and his second daughter who witnessed this assault got disturbed mentally and fortunately, the lady deserted him and went to live with her mother along with her second daughter.  Now this girl is totally disturbed, she is scared of her father as she witnessed him assaulting her mother.  Her studies are disturbed and she is not doing well.  This girl was taken to a psychiatrist and she was started on anti-psychotic drugs at the age of 13 years itself.  This couple is fighting a legal battle, which will go on for ages, maybe one or both of them would be dead by the time they get legal relief according to their expectations and would have lost considerable amount of money in the process and their second daughter is made to visit the court at that young age for no fault of hers.

Solution:  The solution to this kind of problem is settlement in an amicable way.  When the lady realized that her husband was after her money and not her, that time itself, she should have sat with him and cleared his mind off this and instead of leaving a secured job, she should have continued working, by now she would not have faced this situation of depending on her aged and ailing mother for her finances.  Financially, she would be strong means confident in life to an extent.  Secondly, she should have paid close attention to her daughter who was a teenager and observed her actions and when she found her daughter erring, she should have counselled her about the importance of studies first.  In our country, 13 years is not an age for a child to fall in love and get deviated from studies and ultimately end up nowhere.  Today, that girl has eloped with that man with whom she became friends online.  What guarantee is there that he will take good care of her tomorrow.  His parents do not like her and he is also not so well placed in his life.  After some time, he might succumb to his parents’ pressure and anything might happen to this girl.  If everything goes well, then it is fine.  Otherwise, whom can anyone blame.  When this lady realized that her husband was about to assault her, instead of arguing with him, she should have calmly left the place for good.  Anyhow, she had decided to leave, instead of messing up the whole situation and creating so much of stress in the mind of the young child, all she should have done was to leave the place without any of these dramas.  Finally, let us take it as she could not avoid that situation, fine, at least, she should have tried to calm her daughter’s mind by indulging her meditation (which is a great stress buster), keeping her active and giving her no time to think about the bad past.  What did this lady do?  She took her daughter to a Psychiatrist, who prescribed her medicines for some particular period and this child has become addicted to those medicines now each time, the medicine is stopped, the girl becomes cranky and calms down once she is started on those medicines again.  Imagine this girl’s future!  I am not blaming the Psychiatrist at all.  I am suggesting parents to be wise, medicines are not the solutions for all the problems.  There are so many alternatives to medicines, please try to explore.  These medicines are harmful chemicals that will do more harm than good.  And when you are giving your child a psychiatric medicine, remember, it is not a short term treatment, because those medicines contain strong drugs that control the mind/brain which is the master organ.  Remember, any part of the body can be replaced if injured, but not brain.  Brain is the most complicated part of our body.  With the long term use of these anti-psychotic medicines, the side effects are severe and numerous.  Imagine a child of 13 years dependent on these medicines and their long term implications on her mind.  No doubt what that girl has seen is traumatic, but she has to overcome that instead of sinking deep into that.  After all, life is not ending there.  Her mother should have counseled her daughter and trained her to be a strong lady and face any kind of situation.  None of knows what life has in store, so we must be prepared to face the reality and not sulk or brood over the past and spoil the present and future.

I will come up with more cases.  Every sensitive person would become depressed at one or the other point in time in his/her life, but wisdom or smartness lies in tackling and coming out of this situation.

Stress and depression-the biggest enemies, how to deal with them.

Of late I am reading a lot in the news, hearing many youngsters attempting/committing suicide because of depression.  I start wondering why?  I had read in some articles that if a person takes his/her life by force (if the life is ending abruptly), then that soul will not be liberated and will not attain the next birth based on its Karmas, but it will wander as a ghost/spirit whatever one can call it as.  And this ghost/spirit will wander like this for 500 years or more.  I have seen many programs on National geographic channel and Discovery channel also where the Ghost hunters go to different places at different times in search of ghosts and communicate with them.  These are the ones which have had a violent death or lost life very tragically, so on and so forth.  In the end their life has been cut short.

In general, with these younger generation having access to technology, they are getting ideas on how to die in case they are not able to solve a problem.  They feel death is the solution to all the problems, which is absolutely wrong.  They have forgotten the truth that “there is no problem in the world that is without a solution, which means every problem has a solution” and we have to have the patience to find solution for the problem that we are facing.  It is not that everyone is born problem free, all of us face problems at one or the other point in our lives and all that is needed is to face it boldly and not run away from the problem that we are facing.  I have counselled so many people when they are facing crisis and the truth here is “if you find that you are not able to solve a problem yourself, don’t try to dig further into the problem, instead of that, discuss your problem with your friend/s or someone you trust and take their suggestions, you will definitely get a solution for your problem.”  This is the truth and I have found this method working successfully.  What happens when a person is in a serious problem is he/she stops thinking or working out on a solution to the problem because he is troubled by this and his mind is completely engaged in this problem.  At that time, the best option is to contact your trustworthy friends who can guide you in the right direction to solve the problem, because your friend is not facing that problem, his/her mind will be calm and will give out solutions for the problem faced by you.  The same thing you will be doing to your friend in trouble.

When does one slip into depression, when one is stressed out too much because of a longstanding issue and not able to solve the problem, the problem can be anything.  Today, I was just talking to my daughter who is going to graduate from her engineering course in another 6 months time.  Campus recruitment is going on in her college and very good companies are coming to recruit students.  Some of the very smart ones got placed, some are getting placed and some are not able to clear the aptitude test given by the companies and as a result they are getting into depression.  It is not that those children who are not getting selected are not intelligent, they are stressed out so much that they are not able to solve simple questions that are being asked and later on repent for not having answered that simple question rightly.  She told me that most of her friends are getting depressed because they are not able to find a suitable position in any of the companies that are visiting her college to hire these students.  I know the alarm bell has started ringing here.  In the beginning, when the recruitment started, my daughter could not clear some of tests/interviews in her college as she was stressing out too much, my husband started adding to her woes further by creating such an impression in her mind that if she did not get selected in this process, she will be nowhere, the world will end, as a result she started breaking down.  At that time, I intervened, because I knew the way my husband was dealing with her was not correct and I told her to forget those companies which she could not clear.  I spoke to her very casually and whenever she expressed her anguish about not clearing her tests/interviews, I told her to laugh them off and forget them.  This way, I made her feel that there was no need for her to stress herself so much and I made her feel at ease with her failures.   I was observing that at one point, she got stressed so much, that even the easiest tests/questions in the interview, she could not clear just like her friends and later on repented for not having answered those silly questions.

One fine day, I called her to my side and clarified to her that life was not getting placed only in the final year of her engineering, but it is beyond that.  I also told her that in case she did not get recruited by any of those companies, it was not the end of her life, and gave her many options to chose.  Then, her mind got cleared of the stress and she realized that life was beyond any of these recruitment and there are many beautiful things that she can do in life in case she does not get recruited.  Then the next interview, she cleared and Lo! her friends who did not clear, started becoming depressed, then I called some of them home, spoke to them in such a manner that the inferiority complex that those kids had in their mind about not being able to clear the tests just vanished and then when I gave them the many more options that were available to them for their future, they became relaxed.  Some of them even decided what they would do in case they were not recruited by any of these companies.

Sometimes, I feel, we parents are also responsible for the stress and depression that troubles our kids.  In the first instance, we must be sensitive enough to their feelings and notice any changes in the behavioral pattern of our kids and catch the problem immediately, instead of allowing the kid to sink completely into stress and depression.  Then counsel them in such a way that they should feel confident about life and not hopeless about life.  Once this is done, half of the problem is solved.  Then give them alternatives and make them think about a solution to the problem that they are facing.  Once they start finding the solution then their problem is solved.  They will deal with any kind of situation in the future even if parents/friends are not around.

I also heard that parents of most of my daughter’s classmates were inquiring only about placements that were happening in her college and statistics about the number of students placed, companies that were visiting her college to recruit students and even pressurizing these already confused students to perform well and get selected, which is very much wrong.  My husband also did the same thing to my daughter and she had started sinking into depression.  Then I stopped him from inquiring further about her placements and she became comfortable after that.  Now she is back to her original self and moving ahead in life with a positive outlook.

There are other instances wherein students are away from home, staying in a hostel or paying guest or rented accommodation and with nobody to guide them in the right direction and under constant pressure from parents to perform, these unfortunate fellows succumb to stress and depression and untimely death.  So, my advise to parents first is that children are too precious to lose, so don’t pressurize them too much to get your dreams fulfilled.  In today’s world, opportunities are in plenty, encourage them, don’t discourage them, after all they are tomorrow’s citizens.  If they miss an opportunity today, it is not everything, it is not the end of life.  God has kept something else for everyone of them.  As parents, sit and explore the possible opportunities for them.  They will definitely get one of them, be friendly with them.  Most of the parents would be working parents, take some time off to sit and discuss with your child the happenings of the day.  Teenagers now a days face lot of issues, make them feel comfortable with you and be their guide.  This is the age where they will be confused with regard to many things in life.  As an experienced parent, it is our responsibility to make sure that the child is guided properly and in the right direction.

I can share two best examples here, there is one set of parents who are very well settled, highly qualified and like any other parent have two children.  Father is an engineer and mother is a doctorate.  Their first child was studying in a reputed school in a board that involved lot of work.  Initially, this kid could make it, but as days passed, he could not make it, so these wise parents instead of forcing him to continue in the same board got him transferred to another board where he had less stress with regard to studies.  He was in the science stream here and like other parents they were expecting him to get into an engineering stream, but when he could not meet the criteria for getting admission into an engineering college, the decision they took was to shift him to another branch of education which was easier for him to understand and progress and interesting for him too.  As a result, he is doing good and he is also happy and parents are also happy.

There is another best example of bad parents, they had two sons, their first son studied engineering and got into a good organisation and settled well in life. They had the same expectations from the second one also, but the second son could not clear the 12th standard exams in one attempt, he cleared it in second attempt.  Instead of finding out which field suited him the best and continuing his education in that field, all they did was forcibly got him admitted into one of the tough branch of engineering by paying capitation fees.  It was a matter of status for them, to tell people in the society that their sons are engineers (there are others who are in fact better placed in life than engineers).  As a result, this boy could not clear his engineering exam in the stipulated time of 4 years and took 8 years to complete his engineering and did not get placed anywhere, he lost interest in working anywhere and started revolting against his parents.  Today, all he is doing is sitting at home and demanding things from his parents.  Now, his parents are depressed and they are feeling him as a burden in their old age as they have to take care of his expenses!  Fortunately, this boy did not sink into depression and take the extreme step.  Actually, this was not warranted, instead of thinking about their interest, had these parents sat and discussed with this second child what he would be interested in, probably, they would not have faced this unpleasant situation today.

Once, children are taught to deal with stress, depression does not enter the child’s life at any point in time.  When children start working, then they face different kind of music at work place, working under pressure to meet with the deadlines.

We should encourage children, friends, anybody to deal with stress.  There are lot of options of apart from consulting family and friends.  They can practice Yoga, visit a place of worship as these places of worship carry positive energy in abundance, take a holiday and visit a place which gives them peace of mind like a hill station, a beach, a temple tour, anything, which they feel will reduce their  disturbed mind.  Listen to music, keep some hobby that will reduce their stress.  Keep some pets, they are the source of positive energy and divert their attention and research has indicated that keeping a pet and interacting with it will obviously improve one’s health, both mental and physical as lot of diversion of mind takes place here and our mind gets diverted to their needs.  These pets give us unconditional love and they are a source of positive energy again.

I have some more to discuss in my next blog.

The generation gap-the changing trend.

Of late, I have started hearing this from everyone of my age – we were never like this, we never did that, never did this, never behaved like this etc.  What is making parents give such statements, especially those who are in their 50’s now?  The generation gap, kids are losing track of the culture (which parents have started worrying about), obedience, respect to elders, etc.  What is going wrong and where is this going wrong also, I don’t know.  There is no dearth for the love and affection showered by parents on their children and parents have done their best when it came to taking care of their children, but still these children behave strange.

Most of the common complaints that I hear from parents is “kids don’t talk to us as they were talking before, they don’t accompany us to any of the family/social gatherings and participate in any of the functions, they are always hooked to either their cell phones or laptops and if they are disturbed, then they start screaming at us at the top of their voice as if we have committed some blunder, and we were not like this when we were of their age.  We also crossed the same age, had in fact very limited facilities and we adjusted to everything and never raised our voice on our parents.  We always respected elders and never shouted at our parents.  Among our parents, father, the head of the family would be better educated in most of the cases and mother would be less educated, but still we respected them.  They had very less money and we used to be at least 3 children in each family and if at least two of us were of the same gender, then whatever the elder one had, would be passed on to the younger one, like the elder one’s used dresses, books, bags, slippers everything and the younger one would never crib about this type of arrangement in the family.  Whereas, for kids of this generation, sharing is a distant dream, even after buying something of the same type, cost etc, they compare and are never happy!  Why?  who is responsible for this. They have so many demands and if their demands are not met, then they are very unhappy and the outcome of this refusal by the parents is something horrifying!

God knows where this is heading to!  We would be punished by our parents for any wrongdoing in those days, whereas, now a days, we need to weigh our words and talk to our kids, leave alone punishing them.  Fortunately, all parents have not been provided with a weighing scale to weigh the words and then talk with children, maybe that will happen in the future!  Kids of this era have a different type of attitude.  Don’t know whether it is the environment in which they are growing up is responsible for this!  Because, maximum time, kids spend outside their home, in schools, colleges, daycare centers wherever.  The time that they spend with their parents is very less, say about 2 hours in the morning, before leaving their homes and say about 4 hours in the evening after reaching home.  In these 2 and 4 hours again, they will be busy either getting ready for their respective destinations in the mornings or busy with their respective responsibilities given by their institutions in the evenings, so where is the time for the kid to interact with parents!  If both parents are working, then the situation is still worse, both parents come home at different times, then they are also tired for the day and all they do is eat the already cooked food and hit the bed or order some food from outside if no food is at home as they don’t have the energy and patience to cook, so order food online! eat and retire for the night.

Life has become mechanical in many families and the factor called love and affection and caring and sharing is missing.  Two decades ago, all these things existed in our families, no doubt we also traveled to schools and colleges and universities by public transport, there used to be someone called a mother at home.  She would keep some snack ready for us when we reached home after a tiresome day.  We knew that there was someone waiting for us back home and father also would come back home early and we all would sit and have home made food together at night and with less vehicles plying on the road, we had access to lot of fresh air to breath and good food to eat and good water to drink.  Though, we did not have access to all the luxuries that kids of this generation have, we had access to something that would maintain our health.  We did not have access to technology and had plenty of free time, but kids now a days have access to technology and their lifestyle is different from what we had.   We would walk miles together, whereas kids now a days, I guess they don’t know what is walking miles together!  Because for anything and everything, they have access to two wheelers, so they take the two wheeler to even travel short distance.  As a result, they lack exercise, so, they are slowly developing lifestyle related health issues like diabetes, obesity etc.  They don’t have access to fresh air, good food and clean water.

With cost of living so high, it is necessary for parents to work as single income is not sufficient to meet the daily needs, so two income means both of them have to work and where is the time and stamina for parents to sit and talk.  Since children also spend maximum time outside, especially with friends other than parents, they get influenced easily by their friends and each kid comes from a different family background.  Kids lack parental supervision.  So, there is nobody to guide them in the right direction, and correct them in case they went wrong.  At the end of the day, who is suffering?  Parents or Kids? or both?